Posts Tagged ‘Republicans’

So I have been away for a while. I just got too busy to really post something and I notice that most bloggers tend to post a lot of stuff every day (or at least once a day). I had a few friends and a blogger that I respect point out that this site is really a waste just sitting here doing nothing. I have been encouraged to at least post once a week. Hey this is my blog and I should do it because I like it not because I feel the need to keep up with other bloggers. So I have been spending time thinking about what I wanted to post about and then I heard this:

 

“All of us need to stop focusing on the lobbyists, and the bloggers, and the talking heads on radio, and the professional activists who profit from conflict, and focus on what the majority of Americans sent us here to do,” -President Barack Obama

After taking a moment to wonder how he could say that statement with 10 tons of Irony sitting on his chest, (MSNBC, Daily Kos, Ed Shultz, Al Sharpton, Media Matters, anyone?) I realized he was talking about me. I am a blogger, albeit one on inactive duty, and I have written some unkind things about our President in the past. I was shocked to learn that my freedom of speech has prevented him from performing the basics of his job.

Here is a man that was touted as the bringer of fire from Olympus to light our way out of the darkness spread across the land by W. He was smart, articulate and clean (thanks to Biden for pointing out that last one). Hope and change for everyone! Instead he turns out to be so thin skinned that he makes a hemophiliac look like the Man of Steel. The media has deemed him so precious that he must be protected from all bumps and bruises of the real world. The Secret Service protects him well from the sticks and stones, but by golly words sure do hurt him.

Imagine that hordes of unwashed bloggers are the ones that ground the government to a halt as he stood helplessly by. His only choice was to thrash about knocking stuff off his desk like some spoiled child who was just told that we could not afford to upgrade him to the next iPhone and to be happy with the perfectly good one we just bought him. Seriously the “shutdown” didn’t really hurt anyone, but he darn well made sure that it would be aggravating.

You see the government wasn’t really shutdown. I can prove it to everyone of you, well to the ones that are fortunate to have a job. Take a look at your paycheck you received yesterday. Did they take Federal Tax out of your check? I will wait…..

Oh they did? Well guess what amigo? The government was still up and running. Listen I know I am going to make some of my friends mad about this next statement because I have a few that work for the government. The only folks that were really hurt by the shutdown were those that Federal Government deemed “Non-essential”. If you worked for the Federal Government and was sent home during the shutdown your employer picked you because you are not necessary to run the functions of government. I hope you took the time off to figure out how many part time jobs you will need to replace your check.

That sounds harsh, and I am sorry. Something everyone must understand is that we will reach a point where all of this government will be unsustainable. You have been put on notice that you will be the first to go as they attempt to save the bloated carcass. That should scare the bejezzus out of you.

Here is the thing. No amount of blaming bloggers, radio talk show hosts, the Koch Brothers, Hailburton or the left’s boogyman du jour will change that fact. However I will be happy to accept the blame if it makes Barry feel better. There is nothing I hate more than seeing a grown man whine, especially if he occupies the office of the most powerful nation on the planet.

So welcome to the Thunderdome. Remember 2014 is listening and will take the first one that screams.

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I have been real concerned with what the Left has been calling the Republican War on Women (or as I call it WOW). The main concern is that no one has defined what we get when we win the war. I mean, come on is there any doubt that we will win a war against women? The only two defensive moves that they have is that windmill slap thing they do with their arms and crying. They suck at war and have weak upper body strength, but they don’t really have anything valuable like oil that we can steal when we win. So, what is the end result of the WOW?

Well now that the Republican National Convention is over I can reveal the answer. My sources have sent me the list of the terms we will hand women once we win the war we have declared on them. I trust these sources completely (after all these are the exact same dudes that told Harry Reid about Romney not paying his taxes so it is legit). They assure me that the surrender will be complete and unconditional on the part of our enemy. We are even going to make them sign the treaty on our home turf of the hardware department at Sears.  So without further ado here are the 10 things we will get by winning the War On Women.

10. Victoria’s Secret will be declassified.

9. Sandwich making on demand.

8. Women will be limited to three pairs of shoes and will be required to be barefoot when entering the kitchen.

7.  No more complaining about the toilet seat being left up. In fact we get to complain if you leave it down.

6. Women will now have to kill their own spiders and insects.

5. Rosie O’Donnell must have a sex change operation so we can kick her in the junk.

4. Full admission that PMS is not real and is just used as an excuse to yell at us without us being unable to do anything about it.

3. Removal of Lifetime, Oxygen, OWN, Bravo and its surrogates from television and replaced by channels featuring only supermodels doing things like hunting and fishing.

2. Every chick flick must contain at least a car chase or explosion.

1. Shutting up during the NFL Game of the Week.

 

Now some of you out there may think this is all silly and that there is not really a War On Women. For you doubters I suggest you ask the following women if there is not really a war on them:

Sarah Palin, Paula Jones, Ann Coulter, Ann Romney, Juanita Broderick, Kathleen Willey, Michelle Malkin, Condoleezza Rice, Nikki Haley, Christine O’Donnell, Michelle Bachman, Mia Love, and well you get the idea.

 

Now if you will all excuse me, I have to go make my own sandwich, but I look forward to the day when we defeat women and finally get them to make our sandwiches.