Why I am not a professional comedian.

Posted: September 13, 2009 in Fun
Tags: , , , , ,

People come up to me and say, “Derek, you are pretty funny. You should be a comedian.” I always laugh and say something funny to make them shake their heads and laugh as they walk away.

I have often thought about trying to become a comedian and actually get paid for the funny. There are several reasons, however, why I do not become a professional comedian.

1. I would lose my status as an amateur.

If someone would being to pay me for funny then would have to being competing at a professional level. I would not be able to compete in the Olympics or county fairs. My funny would have to be confined to paying events.

2. If someone was injured due to my joke being too funny I could be held liable.

Say I am at a swanky dinner party. I have just skewered the host with a witty remark. His aunt laughs right as she has her mouth around a cracker with caviar and starts to choke. She goes to the hospital and suffers injury. Guess who they would want to sue? That’s right the professional comedian. As a professional I should be able know when it was safe to tell a joke. Auntie would want a big fat check from me! As an amateur, I am just a funny guy and all she would get is an apology and a funny story to tell at the next party.

3. I would be expected to be funny all the time.

I bet Seinfeld gets hassled all the time in airports or on buses for jokes. Who needs that kind of pressure to be “on” constantly? Right now, if I am having a bad day, I can be grumpy all I want and nobody really cares. Well as a professional comedian if you have case of the Mondays the tabloids will be talking about you being on drugs or something. If you go to a funeral then guess what, they would want you to stand up and say something funny about poor dead Uncle Joe.

4. I can serve comedy fresh.

My jokes usually work in the spur of the moment. The spontaneity is what I live for. It gets gets the blood flowing and the heart pumping. It is such a rush to just drop a joke on someone as it pops into your head. Well, not so if you are a professional. You have to spend hours writing and crafting your funny. People are expecting your best all the time. They pay you good money for funny and by God, they don’t want nothing just off the cuff. Even if you do drop some spontaneous funny it will not be appreciated. “Is that part of your act?” they would ask.

I could go on and on about how much being a professional comedian would stink. Sure some of those guys make lots of money, have legions of adoring fans, make movies and star in television shows, but I can tell they would trade it all away just to be able to say, “How’s the weather up there?” to some tall guy they bump into on the street.

Nope, I wouldn’t trade my freedom of funny for all the sitcom roles in the world. So never fear and enjoy all my funny for free.

(If anyone would seriously like to pay me to be a comedian please send an email for my pay pal account. I also accept personal check and cold hard cash._

  1. Soni Singh says:

    ~~Really funny. . . . . . . . . .


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