Three Things I Hate About Christmas
It is Christmas time again, and yes I refuse to call it the “Holiday Season”, and even with all the holly and jolly there are a few things that I do not like about the Christmas season. I am not some sort of Scrooge and this is no means a humbug on the holiday, but there are three things that I really do not like about Christmas.
You see, I am a manly man. I like movies with explosions. I enjoy watching grown men beat the living snot out of each other in a ring. Oh, is that a machine gun? Yes, I would like to shoot holes into stuff. Being a man is great and if there is one thing that men do not like is things that have the potential to make them cry. There are three things that always happen around Christmas time that is sure to make my eyes well up and speak with a choking voice. The following three things are sure to make me bawl like a baby whenever I encounter them.
1. The Little Drummer Boy
In 1968 Rankin-Bass created a stop motion special for the famous song. It tells the story of a little shepherd boy that can also play a drum. His parents are killed and he travels with his donkey and little lamb named Baa-Baa. To make a long story short, he ends up in Bethlehem the very night Jesus is born. His lamb is killed by a reckless chariot driver and he is told by the three wise men to go and see the new born Savior. Well when he plays that drum with Vienna Boys’ Choir singing and his lamb comes back to life you just cant help but cry. Here is the offending clip below:
Seriously, if you can watch this and not feel the urge to tear up then you have a lump of coal where your heart should be and I hope Santa brings you some more for Christmas.
2. O, Holy Night
This Christmas standard has been around since 1847. Many famous singers have covered this song and you cannot escape it around this time of the year. Everyone from Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby and even that wimpy Josh Groban. However for me it does not matter who sings it I end up wiping salty water from my eye sockets. The lyrics are masterful and the melody just floats along like an angels breath. It is by far my favorite Christmas song and I will shamelessly sing it in the car driving down the road. My favorite version of this song is sung by the group Celtic Woman. If anyone has ever seen these women or heard them sing they are absolutely beyond amazing.
Listen to the song and read the lyrics. If you can get through this song without joyous weeping I hope that you are visited by three ghost tonight and one smacks you in the face with a toaster.
3. It’s A Wonderful Life
Frank Capra’s 1947 masterpiece is my all time favorite Christmas movie. Jimmy Stewart has that wonderful ability to just let you feel his frustration of a life that did not turn out the way he expected it to. He can, with one look, portray such a depth of emotion that your heart just breaks for him. This movie has been parodied, copied, and even studied in universities. I am not going to even bother summarizing the story because it is just so well know. It is the ending that always gets me. When he is standing there surrounded by his family as the entire town comes in to rescue I am reaching from a mop to dry up my tears. It makes us all realize that to those around us we are always more important than we think we are. Now instead of a tear jerking clip from the move I am going to show you a clip from Saturday Night Live that shows the lost ending to the movie. You can tell that everyone in the sketch has a love for this movie and really enjoyed doing it.
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So there it is. The three things I hate about Christmas. I hope you enjoyed it and my pain.
Merry Christmas
80’s Friday-Black Friday Edition
Well I have to get up early in the morning to try and find some deals for Christmas. It is Black Friday, the day retailers are supposed to make all the money to put them back into the black. So in honor of this I am going to give you videos from probably two of the most successful properties in the world, Queen and the Muppets.
Let me introduce Bohemian Rhapsody
And now a video that has made the rounds over the past few days the Muppet version of this song.
Happy shopping everyone.
80’s Friday-Are you ready to Rumble?
Here is a pleasant little video that I believe was the inspiration for the musical Cats. The band is called Scandal but nobody cares about them because Patti Smyth kept stealing the show. So when you have a rock star size ego you marry one of tennis biggest egomaniacs, John McEnroe. So here it is Scandal and The Warrior.
Bang! Bang!
Big Announcement
The link below will take you to the website that the Obama administration has set up (recovery.gov) to let us all see where the stimulus money went to. It is pretty neat. You can even see by state and congressional district how many jobs were created/saved and how much stimulus money was spent there.
Interesting thing though, it lists 31 congressional districts in the state of Florida. However, there are only 25 congressional districts in the state! It seems that we have 6 extra districts that no one has ever heard of before. But that is not the big announcement.
According to the site, the phantom district that had the most jobs created/saved was the 34th Congressional district with a total of 52 jobs created/saved and $1,810,857 spent. So in order to help the government out and avoid President Obama being called a liar, I hereby declare myself to be the Representative of the Florida 34th Congressional District. I will be contacting Washington soon to see when they can have my office ready and start work. I will even be nice and declare myself an Independent so that I can unbiasedly represent the citizens of my district.
Man, politics is fun!
Rep. Derek Collins-I
Florida 34th Congressional District
New York Justice
So it seems that our President has determined that the trail of Kalid Sheik Mohommad (if I misspelled his name I really don’t care so don’t bother to correct me) and his crew should be treated like an episode of Law and Order. I do not agree with that. I am not afraid that they will be let off the hook for this but I think the damage that conferring the rights of a US citizen on them, the damage that it will do to our intelligence community, and the message it sends to our enemies is just too great. I really think that this is more about putting Bush policy on trial and not about real justice.
However I have a really cool idea on how the trial should end.
President Bush should attend the trial starting from day one. This will take a lot of the focus off the proceedings as the reporters would focus on him. He should just sit there during the trail and not answer any questions and smile politely while the defense launches its inevitable critique of Bush policy after 9/11. Then when Kally Sheep Muckhominid takes the stand Bush should stand up, whip out an old style cowboy revolver, empty it into the scumbag, twirl it around his finger, holster it, look at the camera and wink then say, “You can just blame that one on me too.”
That would be awesome.
80’s Friday-You can call me Betty
I was watching an episode of the sitcom Community and rediscovered why I ever thought that Chevy Chase was funny. That made me think of this video and it is one that has a tune that will stick in your head all day long. So here is Paul Simon with special guest Chevy Chase and You Can Call Me Al.
For our bonus video I take us out of the 80’s and way back into the 60’s. I tell you folks that those whiny pants emo kids have nothing on this song.
Just listen to those lyrics. You can hum its catchy tune and get depressed all at the same time. Not even those punks in My Chemical Romance can write stuff as good as this.
Not many folks know this but at one time I wanted to start a goth rock band that only did cover songs. This was the first song on the list. I was going to call the group Covering Your Grave.
Anyway, have a good Friday folks.
Marine Corps Birthday
Today we celebrate the creation of the worlds most honored and renowned fighting force. On this day in 1775 in a place called Tun Tavern (where else could such and organization be born?) the United States Marine Corps was born. One of the many traditions of the Marines is to read the famous Birthday Speech from the 13th Commandant of the Marine Corps, General John A. Lejeune.
“On November 10, 1775, a Corps of Marines was created by a resolution of the Continental Congress. Since that date many thousands of men have borne that name Marine. In memory of them it is fitting that we who are Marines should commemorate the Birthday of our Corps by calling to mind the glories of its long and illustrious history.
The record of our Corps is one which bear comparison with that of the most famous military organizations in the world’s history. During 90 of the 146 years of its existence the Marine Corps has been in action against the Nation’s foes. From the Battle of Trenton to the Argonne, Marines have won foremost honors in war and in the long era of tranquility at home generation after generation of Marines have grown gray in war in both hemispheres, and in every corner of the seven seas so that our country and its citizens might enjoy peace and security.
In every battle and skirmish since the Birth of the Corps, Marines have acquitted themselves with the greatest distinction, winning new honors on each occasion until the term “Marine” has come to signify all that is highest in military efficiency and soldierly virtue.
This high name of distinction and soldierly repute we who are Marines today have received from those who preceded us in the Corps. With it we also received from them the eternal spirit which has animated our Corps from generation and has long been the distinguishing mark of Marines in every age. So long as that spirit continues to flourish Marines will be found equal to every emergency in the future as they have been in the past, and the me of our nation will regard us as worthy successors to the long line of illustrious men who have served as “Soldiers of the Sea” since the founding of the Corps.”
So 234 years later, the Corps is still kicking teeth in around the world. I am so proud to be part of this tradition. Proud to be connected to such a deep legacy and a descendant of its nobility and ancestor to future generations of its warriors.
Semper Fidelis.
Lech Walesa and the Fall of the Wall
“There is a risk right now that we might lose the victory that we fought so hard for. The question is whether we have learned from our experiences or whether we need another whack upside the head from history. The masses learned, but after the victory the masses handed power back to the politicians. And they forget that it was we who won the victory. We might have to set the masses in motion once again.”-Lech Walesa
I ran across this interview today, on the 20th Anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, from the German Magazine Spiegel. I encourage people to click the link and read it. It is very insightful stuff about what events lead up to the collapse of the Soviet Union.
Pay attention to his final statement in the article. I believe that it is one that politicians today can learn a lot from. I see so many parallels today that I think that the old statement about those that refuse to learn history are doomed to repeat it is an absolute law instead of just a warning.
Special Tribute Video
Normally I do my 80’s Friday Video. However I am still so angry at what happened at Ft Hood yesterday that I do have much of stomach for humor and frivolity today. So, instead I have declared a day of tribute for our men and women in the armed forces. As a former Marine I understand that the traitorous coward that shot unarmed soldiers in the safety of their own base only did that because if he would have waited until he got around them while they were armed they would have turned him into a wiffle ball. So here is The Warrior’s Song.
I am glad that they took that coward alive. I am also glad he will be tried in military court and not a civilian one. Pray for our troops. If you see an airman, solider, sailor or a Marine this weekend, thank them from the bottom of your heart for all they do to keep us safe in our beds at night.
Saudi court upholds child rapist crucifixion ruling | World | Reuters
Saudi court upholds child rapist crucifixion ruling | World | Reuters.
Finally, the Saudis do something I can get behind. They may be soft on international terrorism, but man do they know how to kill folks that really deserve a killing. However there are a couple of things about this that I don’t understand.
1. It sounds like they are going to behead the guy first before crucifying him. Wouldn’t it be better to crucify the scumbag first, then behead him? I know that a beheaded body on a cross would be pretty gnarly, but I think a few days of public suffering would benefit the populace, then you cut the head off and leave it up there for a few more days.
2. There are some “rights” groups upset about this? Really? I would love to meet the pansies that are upset that someone who rapped five, yes five, children and left one of them to die in the desert and ask them a few questions. The first question I would ask them would be, “How can you answer any questions with your head cut off and hanging next to the dirtball that rapped those kids?”
So, congratulations to the Saudis. Keep up the good work and if you ever need better suggestions on how to dispose of these sicko I am listed in the phone book.
